"Forbidden Figure Skating" pokes fun at Paul Wylie

Several of us skate fans have observed that Paul Wylie seems to be stuck in a rut of doing some very predictable programs, recycling old choreography to music from whatever movie has been popular recently. Here are some very tongue-in-cheek suggestions of new material for Paul.

(Sorry, Paul. We love you, but we are getting kind of tired of seeing you do the same old thing even in your "new" programs.)

This is the Program

Trudi Marrapodi suggests that Paul's "This is the Moment" program would be more palatable with some new lyrics for the song:

"This is the program,
This is the one,
This is the program I will be skating
till Kingdom Come,
Every maneuver
I made uver and uver
Is coming into play
Here and now today!

"This is the program,
About my big night,
When I took the ice at the Olympics
And stood upright,
It was a moment,
A momentous moment,
I gained a million friends,
So I'll milk it to the end!

"This is the program,
It's so much fun,
In which all of my tried-and-true moves
Become one,
This is the number,
Just see it shine,
When I do the same moves
Time after time!

"This is the program,
About my final test,
Bettered Petrenko,
But they still called me
Second best,
I didn't pop,
I didn't fall,
It was the only time that happened
Of them all!

"This is the program,
Damn all the clods
Who didn't give me a gold medal
Like the Skate Gods,
When I skate this,
You will recall,
Program for program,
This was the program,
The most repeated program of them all!"

Top 10 movie-theme programs Paul Wylie *could* skate, but won't:

I hear Paul Wylie unveiled his "Apollo 13" program at the recent pro-am event. This has inspired me to come up with my own humble contribution to the "Forbidden Figure Skating" tour....

Note: The material on this page was written in the fall of 1995. It was more topical then than it is now, but I've left this material on the web because I still think it's funny. Trudi and I would like to emphasize that we really do admire and respect Paul, and realize he'd never do anything this tacky or tasteless in "real life"; we wrote this stuff in a spirit of fun, not with any intent of insulting Paul. And, as fans, we have also been pleased with the new artistic direction Paul has taken with his skating since we originally wrote this.

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