Froggy Jokes

From: (Donna Thompson)

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do *Anything* you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."

From: Kyle Adler

These two women were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog:

"Help me, ladies! I am an investment banker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"

The first woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into an investment banker?"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker!"

From: (Lance A. Sibley)

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears.

The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day's pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken disappears.

The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who squawks (in a rather irritated fashioon, it seems), "Book, book, book, BOOK!" By now, the librarian's curiosity has gotten the better of her, so she gets a pile of books for the chicken, and follows the bird when it leaves the library. She follows it through the parking lot, down the street for several blocks, and finally into a large park. The chicken disappears into a small grove of trees, and the librarian follows. On the other side of the trees is a small marsh. The chicken has stopped on the side of the marsh. The librarian, now really curious, hurries over and sees that there is a small frog next to the chicken, examining each book, one at a time. The librarian comes within earshot just in time to hear the frog saying, "Read it, read it, read it..."

suhler@im4u.UUCP (Paul A. Suhler)

An Aggie was driving down down the road when he spotted a frog on the shoulder waving its front leg at him. He pulls over and the frog says, "Kiss me. Please kiss me!"

Q: What does he turn in to?

A: The next motel.

From: (R.P. van Driel)

Two men sit in a car waiting in front of a trafficlight. When the light turns green, the driver does not respond. The other man says: "er, it's green?" And after a while, the driver says: "a frog?"

From: suhre@trwrba.UUCP (Maurice E. Suhre @ TRW EDS, Redondo Beach, CA)

This frog walks into a bank to get a loan. He steps up to the counter and asks for an application from the clerk, Patty Wack. "Hi, I'd like to fill out an application for a loan", said the frog. Patty Wack replied, "Do you have any collateral for this loan; something to stand against your loan." The frog replied, "All I have is this statue of a unicorn." "Well, I don't know," said Patty Wack, "I'll have to ask the manager about this." Patty Wack goes to see the bank manager. The bank manager looks at the statue and replies:

"Knick Knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan."

From: ccrms@ucdavis.UUCP (ccrms @ University of California, Davis)

It seems there were two frogs sitting on a lily pad, when all of a sudden, a fly came along. One frog put out his tongue, ate the fly, and started laughing hysterically. Soon the other frog joined in the laughter.

Later in the day, the other frog ate a fly and the two frogs burst out in laughter. As time went on, the frogs enjoyed the flies so much that the sight of a fly would cause them to double up with pleasure (if it's possible for frogs to double up!). But of course, the most pleasure came when the fly was actually eaten.

A third frog hopped up to the first two and asked what was so funny. The first frog answered "Time." "Huh?" asked the third frog. The second frog explained:

"Time's fun when your having flies."

From Readers Digest:

A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."

The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," said the psychic, "Next semester in her biology class."

From an anonymous contributor:

A frog was finishing up its doctoral dissertation and had just stepped out from under its mud bank to get a breath of fresh air when it was surprised by a water snake. "Any last requests before I eat you?" said the snake.

"Well, would you let me finish my dissertation first?" asked the frog.

"That's the silliest thing I've ever heard! What's your dissertation on, anyway?"

"Well, the title of the dissertation is 'The Superiority of Frogs to Snakes and Herons.'"

"I'd like to see that just for the sheer stupidity of the thesis!" said the snake. So he took the frog, went under the mud bank, and never came out again.

A week or so later, the frog came out from under the bank to get another breath of fresh air, but this time it was snatched by a heron. "Any last requests before I eat you?" said the heron.

"Well, would you let me finish my dissertation first?" asked the frog.

"What's it on?"

"Well, the title of the dissertation is 'The Superiority of Frogs to Snakes and Herons.'"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! I want to read it first -- they say laughter aids digestion." So the heron took the frog under the bank and never came out again.

A week or so later, the frog came out from under the bank and yelled, "EUREKA! I'm finished!"

So one of his fellow frogs came over and asked, "So, what's the dissertation on?"

"Well, the title of the dissertation is 'The Superiority of Frogs to Snakes and Herons.'"

"That sounds pretty tough to prove! Could I look at it?"

When they went into the frog's bank, they saw a word processor, a number of empty pop cans and food wrappers strewn about the room, a scattering of books lying here and there, a pile of heron bones, a pile of snake bones, a finished dissertation, and an alligator.

The moral of the story: It's not the title of your dissertation, but who your director is.

From: (Mori Leslie)

Once upon a time, there was a little green frog who had a very big mouth.

One fine afternoon, the frog was hopping down the road when he met a cat. He looked at the cat and then shouted, "CAT! WHAT DO YOU EAT?" The cat replied, "I drink milk," and returned to cleaning its whiskers. The little frog said, "OH! THAT'S NICE!" and continued down the road.

A short time later, he met a dog. "DOG!" shouted the frog, "WHAT DO YOU EAT?" The dog said, "I eat meat" and the frog shouted, "OH! THAT'S NICE!" and continued down the road.

He met a cow munching placidly by the side of the road and, even though the answer was obvious, the big mouthed frog shouted, "COW! WHAT DO YOU EAT?" The cow blinked and said, "Why, I eat grass." The frog shouted happily, "OH! THAT'S NICE!" and continued down the road.

He found a large snake coiled in the center of the road and shouted, "SNAKE! WHAT DO YOU EAT?" The snake hissed and looked at him before replying, "I eat little frogs with big mouths." The frog blinked, then whispered in a very small voice, "Oh... that's nice."

From: (Wes von Papineau)

How deep is Frog Lake?

Knee-deep, knee-deep! (Say it quickly)

From: Karen Wale

The Lucky Frog

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it right into the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply's "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit. Las Vegas."

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

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Sandra Loosemore